Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
