that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
