Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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