Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
