so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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