Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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