I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
