So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
