You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
pray to the hookup gods
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
