I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
birth control should be required to get into college
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Randomize
