the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
