Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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