You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I cut my penus on the lid.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
