Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Is Oprah even human
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
