Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
