i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
