that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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