I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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