I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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