well I can't set my house on fire every night
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
