Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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