Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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