my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
