Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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