i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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