At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
