last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
