maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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