we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
