Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
