Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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