So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
