I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
