take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
