He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
