reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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