i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
