Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
