I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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