CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
