I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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