I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
