Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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