party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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