just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
