i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
