This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
