Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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