I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
