There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize