OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
