Hey man sorry I got all grabby
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
