Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
