i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
