Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
