I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
