i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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