dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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