i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize