he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
