i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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