I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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