I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
