he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
