youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
