I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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